Please enjoy in the spirit it was written…
When discussing a possible Thanksgiving blog topic with my sister, she said, “Save the touchy feely stuff for your own blog. Be ungrateful on crossingthestreams.” As someone who is keenly aware of how good begets good, I was hesitant to unleash such negativity into the Universe, but then the humor in the exercise struck me. Sure, why not be snarky on the one day of the year you are supposed to be filled with gratitude? I am grateful for the tiniest things throughout the year, so how perfectly appropriate to flip that on its ass on Thanksgiving and be ungrateful. What follows is my list of 5 Ingratitudes. Now I just pray I have enough time to write my touchy-feely blog before karma bites me.
- I am ungrateful for the fact that they added a stupid “Anonymous GM” via computer to Monday Night Raw thereby undermining the whole return of Daniel Bryan.
- I am ungrateful for the fact that I remember numbers really well…which means I am constantly reminded of exes’ birthdays and all of their relative’s birthdays as well. Not to mention anniversaries. Blah.
- I am ungrateful for the nausea that racked my body last night, thereby nearly sending me into a panic attack that I wouldn’t be able to make it to Thanksgiving dinner at Adam’s family’s where I’m being introduced to siblings and nieces/nephews galore.
- I am ungrateful for the packaging insert in my medicine that states, “slight weight gain” possible. As I have gained almost 100 pounds in 4 years, I believe that is a “slight” understatement.
- I am ungrateful for bitter coffee. When trying to pinch pennies and purchasing a certain yellow and black brand of coffee that couldn’t be that different from our regular national coffee shop brand, I realized that it’s worth the extra couple of bucks to get down with Dunkin’.
However you celebrate the holiday today, tofurkey or a grand bird, surrounded by family or at the counter in a diner, abroad with newfound friends or in America’s heartland, I wish you a moment of ingratitude so that those things for which you are grateful become abundantly clear.
Here I am, Miss Snark. Sometimes it’s nice to be an open book and tell it how it is. I am not thankful for everything. Some things in this world don’t jive with me. Here are 5 of those things:
1.Chewing or Swallowing Loudly. You know those things that make you shudder in frustration or annoyance? Well, for me, it’s when I can hear people making noises with their mouths, specifically while chewing or swallowing. Chomp Chomp, smack smack = shivers down my spine. You think, “Oh yeah, that’s annoying.” Sure, some of you may be able to empathize in your own suffering with misophonia, but let me just explain exactly what the sound of even a closed chewing mouth yet hearing the clicking of a jaw or food being switched from one side to the other does to me. I actually have to distract myself by digging my nail into my hand. Nothing like the distraction of pain. I’m thankful for distraction.
2.Racism. Topical, yes. But it is here, still. In our country. More widespread than many want to admit. And it’s disturbing. Yes, I get the fear of “the other.” It’s a natural instinct to be wary of that which is different than ourselves. We want to protect what it is ours and what we believe to be true. We don’t want our identity to be threatened. But listen, in the era we live in, the world of global communication and connection, there is no room for devaluing someone because he/she looks different. Period.
3.Ridiculously High Airfares. I want to be able to see my family and friends. $500-$600 roundtrip airfares sure put a wrench in that. I want my kids to spend time with their grandparents and godparents, and a mortgage payment for all of us to go get hugs, renewal, and fellowship from our blood and dearest makes that incredibly difficult. Screw you airfare!
4.Snakes Just no. They are creepy and gross. I don’t like talking about them, imagining them, seeing pictures of them, or seeing them in person. You will not catch me in that damn reptile house at the zoo. That’s for sure!
5.Medical Questions on Mommy Boards. No I don’t want to look at a picture of your child’s poopy diaper and tell you why it’s green or seedy or runny. No I don’t know if that rash is from eczema or poison ivy or a bug bite. No I’m not going to advise you on the best treatment options for your sick child. Did you know there are these things called professionals? Doctors. AND you can call them and ask questions. Ok, so you prefer natural remedies? Then find a homeopath. But don’t list your child’s symptoms or freaking post a picture of their nasty snot, poop, or rash. Please just call a professional. Mommies may have experience, but they are in no place to be risking the liability in diagnosing your illnesses!
Yeah, so, NBD, right? Well, except #2. The rest are basically First World Problems, and guess what, here I am living in the First World, and these are my problems. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am grateful that these little annoyances are my ingratitudes. Thank God I’m not dealing with starvation, freezing to death, smallpox, or hostile visitors!